I debated whether to write a post on Mother’s day or not. Some people speculate that the day is something contrived by the card industry to boost sales. It has certainly generated a lot of money for many industries over the past twenty years or so! Even so, I say the least we can do for our mothers is to acknowledge them for at least one day.
It is just over four months since my mother died and whilst the raw, visceral grief has abated, it is replaced by a deep, permeating sadness. Yet there is sunshine amidst the sadness and life is plodding along more or less again. I miss my mother every day so Mother’s day will be no different. I bought a nice little flower arrangement for her grave the other day just to mark the day. I observed other people looking at the arrangements, some making telephone calls, not quite sure whether to purchase or not. I felt in a kind of bubble and momentarily “forgot”. I even rang Hubby to check if he wanted me to buy one for his Mother as they were so pretty and suddenly at the checkout I realised that this is all I can ever buy for Mam again. I’m sure the cashier thought me odd as I hurriedly paid for my purchase and rushed out of the shop. Overall though as a family we are more accepting of Mam’s passing and are even grateful for many aspects of her life and even death, as it was sudden and she didn’t die alone.
Many years ago I was having a procedure in a hospital and Hubby couldn’t collect me so we had made arrangements to be collected by someone close to us. As we were driving out of the hospital, he remarked that the hospital hadn’t changed much since his mother was in it. (His mother died from cancer when he was a child). Of course I exclaimed sorrow and dismay and that if I had known, I would not have asked him to collect me! I paused for a moment and then asked him does he remember her as he was so young when she died. He replied that he has some memories but has vivid memories of driving away from the hospital after visiting her on a Sunday and without having to say it aloud, I could imagine the loneliness of a child having to leave his mother behind as they drove a couple of hours back home. Thankfully today having treatment for cancer means that people can have a reasonable quality of life at home without having to spend months at a time in hospital. For some unknown reason I have been thinking about his loss over the past few days, possibly the significance of that conversation has stayed with me for all these years and that even though we grieve our mother, we were blessed to have her with us for so long. What we have left are an abundance of memories that will always stay with us.
On this Mother’s day my hope is that with all the research that is ongoing, there will be some treatment for cancer that will allow us to continue living for a long time and no child will be left without a mother again.
Tall order, I know…