Unchartered Territory

As a family we are still coming to terms with the recent loss of my mother. We have entered uncharted territory for us but unfortunately so familiar to many. It has been a bit of a rollercoaster week as one can imagine with periods of profound sadness, and loneliness and then interspersed with acts of kindness from our community.  I think at times we are still in a form of denial and expecting Mam to walk in the door anytime soon.

In the midst of our grief I had a scheduled mammogram arranged for three days after Mam was buried. I was obviously feeling very flaky so asked Hubby to accompany me. It went pretty straightforward enough even though I tried to have a sneaky peek at the films. I wasn’t sure if I saw something, but by the time I had my glasses on the views had changed.  The next day I got a call from the Breast Nurse saying they want to do an ultrasound!… Eh? …That has never happened before. Many frantic phone calls later I am still no wiser.  I am getting the impression that this is a common enough practice and not to be worrying!  The way things are for me at the moment is that I am so saturated with grief that I cannot even contemplate anything else going on. I will ring the Breast Nurse next week and try and sort it out.

The kids continue to have moments of deep sadness and being upset which is hard to see as I can’t make them feel better only support them. I decided that we needed a Duvet day on Friday and I kept them home from school.   My siblings are all grieving in their own way and we are trying to support each other with phone calls and texts.  We are all watching out for our father who so far seems to be going from day to day.  Christmas ads are appearing everywhere now which compounds the loneliness.

I was in a bit of a funk yesterday and this morning. After a phone call from my sister this morning I decided I had no energy to wash my hair and rang my hairdresser to see if she could fit me in sometime today.   Within twenty minutes,  (I was still in my pjs when I rang!!), I had showered and was sitting at the basin having my hair washed!. She was so lovely and kind to me and in the end she didn’t even charge me for the wash and blow dry. She whispered to me that she wanted to do something nice for me…. Ah Bless!  This is not the first time she did something like this. When I was getting my first colour after my hair regrew she spent a whole morning with me getting the colour right and again no charge.  It is moments like these that makes one appreciate the kindness and compassion in others – crutches that help get through the difficult climb ahead.


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