Acknowledging our cancer experience.

We have been enjoying some fabulous weather the past few days which is kinda unusual where I live so you can imagine how everyone is responding to the weather. We all move outdoors and spend as much time as we can enjoying the sunshine and heat because we know only too well how short lived it can be!    For me it has caused me to reflect a bit on the last time I needed treatment. The first day of chemo we basked in 28 degrees heat and Hubby and I spent our day in what I called the “Dungeon”. (The oncology day ward was located in the basement of the hospital I was attending). I cried for most of the journey travelling to the hospital as I knew from past experience that day was the best I was going to feel for a long time. As the Summer progressed, I had gotten to the stage that as soon as I stepped into the Oncology Day Ward I felt nauseous anticipating how I was going to feel for the next few days.

Most of us are probably familiar with that sensation, the psychological associations we have surrounding our time when first diagnosed and were going through treatment.  They can be quite powerful and take us back instantly to a moment or time during that period.    I remember spending a lot of time sitting outside in the shade that Summer, looking at the garden and not having the energy to do anything with it.
Nowadays life is quite different, whenever I do manage to sit for awhile, when something catches my eye I am up and out of the chair doing whatever needs to be done. Even though I am reflecting on a difficult time in my life, I am appreciating how my life evolved to where it is right now and for that I am truly grateful.

These psychological associations are part of who I am and who I have become. I feel it is important to acknowledge them but it is also up to me to create different, more positive associations as my life moves forward.  So, for now,  I am off out to the sun!


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